Lesson on reproduction

Amirul : Abah, today I learnt about reproduction.

Darn! Is it time for the birds and the bees? Can do it in four years time? Ok how do I get out of this?

Abah : Ok.

Amirul : Abah you know the two squishy things there?

Darn! He didnt get my subtle “ok” which means full-stop, go away or change topic. Ask me about whether you can watch TV. Confirm I will say yes.

Abah : What squishy things?

I had to ask. Trying to evade.

Amirul : Those two things I asked you about that you didnt really answer long time ago.

HALLLOO?? DO YOU HAVE AN ELEPHANT BRAIN? Bab gini ingat, kalau sekolah, forgetful!

Abah : Yeah. What about them?

Amirul : They produce sperms. There are thousands of them in there swimming.

Abah : Mmmmmmmmmmmm (Looking stoically at the laptop, trying to avoid eye contact)

Amirul : Then one of them will get attach to an egg. The other sperms will die.

Abah : So you are that sperm.

Amirul : (With shoulders shrugged, looking puzzled) But Im not a sperm. Im a boy.

!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me do no want to get into this. I remained quiet although having half a smile on the half he cant see.

Amirul : Of yes yes. You know what else Ms Wong said, one month got one egg.

Please please do not get into PMS…Please do not get into PMS….

Amirul : But Ms Wong said, sometime excellent woman got 2 to 3 eggs. Then the sperm and egg come together and babies are form.

Abah : Ok

By now I am just sitting back on the chair because cannot concentrate on my work. These twice in a week we are talking about private stuff.

Amirul : What happen to the other 2 eggs?

Oh shit!

Amirul : That means they have more babies.

Abah : I think so.

Well I cant talk about topics I dont know. Then out of curiosity…

Abah : How does the egg and sperm come together?

Amirul : That part Ms Wong havent teach us.

CAN I BURST OUT LAUGHING????? CAN I???? CAN OR NOT??????? Nevermind tahan.

Amirul : Ms Wong asked her father where she came from.

Abah : And?

Amirul : Her father said from the dustbin.

Abah : Hahahahahahaha

We both laughed. I laughed because of the earlier statement as well. It was an opportunity to let it out.

Amirul : She said father’s do not like to talk about these things.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I fell silent…eerrriilllyyy silent, eyes like cyclones from battlestar galactica.

Amirul : Then you know what…

WE NOT DONE YET????? GO AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK, OR SOMETHING, OR TAKE ANOTHER BATH!

Amirul : You know, when inside ummi’s womb, I have liquid all around me. So I can swim all over.

Abah : Yes you can.

Amirul : When about to be born right, I will turn to that small hole…

PLEASE DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT THAT! PLEASE GOD, SPARE ME, I WENT FOR FRIDAY PRAYERS JUST NOW.

Amirul : Then my head will be near the hole and the doctor can pull me out. Ms Wong said that some naughty children will turn the other way. Then it be difficult for the baby to come out because the hands will get stucked in the womb. You know like when we swim…

So he showed me and I looked in earnest.

Amirul : Then the doctor will have to operate and take the baby out.

Silent…phew…finish…

Amirul : Then you know why we cry?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amirul : Its because of those nurses, they use tubes to suck out the liquid out of my mouth and nose!

Abah : Ok why are you shouting?

Amirul : They made me cry!

Abah : Ok before I make you cry, go and do your homework.

I had no other choice. I need to lie down…